DUMB FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS and more.........

(updated 1.06.06)

Prospective parents of children from China know that a great big world of wonder and joy awaits them. They should also know that a smaller world awaits them that involves acquaintances, co-workers and total strangers asking ridiculous and/or tactless questions as well as making thoughtless and/or bizarre statements in a wide range of inappropriate situations.

We're aware that all of us, regardless of race, creed, religion, or propensity for hanging out in malls, have said ridiculous , tactless, thoughtless and perhaps bizzare things we regret. But what you will read on this page are the Top of the Line, Hit Your Head Against a Wall and Call Aunt Martha kind of affairs. Some are classics. Some are ripped from today's headlines. Some come from a strange and mysterious place in the human psyche we neither know or understand. But ladies and gentlemen, they are all....the Champions:



DURING THE ADOPTION/WAITING PROCESS
  • "Do you think you'll ever be able to have your own children?"
  • "Did you see that "Law and Order" or "Dateline" where those people that adopted from...?"(fill in any horror story concerning international adoption.)
  • "Did I ever tell you about Joe Flern? They adopted (fill in any number from 2 months ago to 25 years ago) and that child was just a mess!" Then they regale you with the tragic, usually totally-irelevent-to-you details. Then they ask happily, "Aren't you afraid something like that will happen to YOU?"



WHEN YOU RETURN FROM CHINA WITH YOUR CHILD....
  • "How much did she cost?"
  • "Couldn't you have your own children?"

    • and everyone's favorite:
  • Q: "Are you going to tell her who her real mother is?"
    A:"I am her real mother"
    Q:"No, no. I mean, are you going to tell her who her REAL mother is. You know!"



THERE IS THE OCCASIONAL VISIT TO THE THEATRE OF THE ABSURD.........

Join us for one such visit when one of our Women In Blue shares a conversation with a "supervisor":
Me: We have a little girl on the way!
Him: "You're pregnant?"
Me: "No we're adopting."
Him: "When is she due?"
Me: "Its a long process because we are getting her from China."
Him (silently frowns at my stomach trying to figure out how this happens) "So you don't know when you're due?"
Me: "About six months after we send our Dossier to China."
Him: "So when you have six months left you will need to be on light duty."
Me "Uhhhh...I'll let you know."
Him "You need to because the police department will be libel if something happens to you on duty and you lose your baby."



.....OR THOSE SPECIAL MOMENTS WITH THE KINFOLK......

Q: "What if she turns out to be ugly?"
A: " Then she'll fit right in with this family."


And no one is ever really prepared for the unmitigated thrill of
DFMS - IFOYC (Dumb Frequently Made Statements - In Front of Your Child)

..........Now there is no sin in making tactless comments or having a bad case of Blurt-itis. However, when these statements are made in front of our children, most of whom understand English quite well and all of whom have a great capacity to internalize their pain, it brings up certain Mother (or Father) Tiger feelings. So, if you need a moment to collect yourself during those times, you may just want to imagine the secret pleasure it might bring you to offer these two Snappy Follow-ups...

The Polite Response:

"Oh, I didn't realize you had a degree in Chinese history and culture. "
or

The Truth-in-Advertising Response



Let's pause to enjoy the heart stopping beauty of the...........

DFMC - DUMB FREQUENTLY MADE COMPLIMENTS:



AND WHO DOESN'T ENJOY THE CLASSICS?:

Responses include, "He/She is my own", "I hope she'll be as 'grateful' as any spoiled middle-class adolescent is" , "Yes", "Yes", "Yes" and "May I refer you to some information found at this web site that may give you the answers you need?"

AND HAS SOMEONE BEEN WATCHING A LITTLE TOO MUCH "CSI"?
"Are they sisters?.........Real sisters?.............No, no, I mean........................are they BLOOD???"



.....PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO CONGRATULATE THE WINNER OF THE 2005 "LOVE HAS NO BOUNDARIES" AWARD.
 It's the guy who said to his sister-in-law: "As a true American, I don't think that I can support international adoption."



 .....AND PLEASE TAKE ANOTHER MOMENT TO CONGRATULATE THE WINNERS OF THE 2005
"MANNERS, SCHMANNERS" AWARD.
This one ended in a tie. Our winners are the flight attendant who paused mid-drink pour, to point to someone's (adopted from China) daughter to ask..."MIXED??" and the woman who asked me, pointing to both my little girls, "Where d'ya get those?".



THIS JUST IN! THE WINNERS OF THE "HEARTS IN THE RIGHT PLACE BUT... " AWARD GOES TO ETHEL AND HER FRIEND, MRS. LADY IN A STORE:

"This lady came up to us and stated, "Your daughter is so beautiful!"  Quite proudly, I said thank you.  The lady then started hollering to her friend in the store, "Ethel, you have got to come see this baby, come look at this baby!"  When Ethel arrived, as proud and as a matter of fact that she could be, she responded, " Yep, I could tell from across the store, that baby is 100% PURE CHEROKEE!  I know my heritage when I see it!" 




AND THE WINNER IN THE "A BODY PART IS IN THE WRONG PLACE AND IT DOES INVOLVE A 'BUT'" AWARD GOES TO
'WOMAN IN A MALL'.

"I am an adopted Korean. I was in the mall with my friend and a woman stopped us and said to me, "You are so beautiful for being black. How did you get your hair so straight?" 

There were so many wrong things with this statement, i could only turn and walk away "




FINALLY, WE SALUTE THE WINNER OF "YOU'VE GOT MAIL" COMMEMORATIVE PLAQUE:

"My cousin asked me, "Have you heard anything about that baby you ordered?""



Please email us with any of your favorite DFAQS, DFMS and DFMC.
Snappy and/or Vaguely Cynical Passive-Aggressive Yet Polite Responses to DFAQ, DFMS and DFMC are always welcome.
All dialogue must be verbatim.




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COMING SOON: AN IN-DEPTH PROFILE OF DFAQ BASE CAMP: THE SUPERMARKET CHECK-OUT LINE

Ladies blabbling in supermarket line